Edwina

When I was younger, I used to get the biggest kick out of converting guy names into girl names. Most names offered little resistance—somewhere in America, some family inevitably got a boy that was meant to be a girl or vice versa. My name and my brother’s name were both pretty challenging. The best I’ve heard thus far are “Edina” and “Edwina.”

I would never be able to survive as a woman. Well, I probably could, but it’s hard to imagine. I do know one thing. If I were a girl, I’d be one cool girl (at least in the blogosphere).

There are probably tons of reasons why I would never make it as the opposite sex. I can think of one in particular, that I think would be unique to me. You hear a lot of concern of the decline of women in CS or math or sciences or whatever subject you care about. I think I could have weathered that storm without a problem. And, I don’t think finding friends could be any harder for me than it already has been. And, my family life probably would benefit from the presence of another female.

As a kid, my older brother used to tell me playground folklore, horror stories of elementary school. Kids getting sucked into mirrors seemed to be the predominant theme, and for whatever reason, that had me terrified. It’s really weird how much stories like Bloody Mary and the Candyman haunted me. I used to be scared to go to the bathroom alone. Eventually (read: high school), I grew out of that fear, but it was replaced by another irrational fear of the toilet flushing. I know it’s all very silly.

I remember distinctly, one time in maybe 2nd grade. It was in winter, around 5:30pm. I still hadn’t been picked up from school yet and was hoping to get picked up soon because I really had to use the bathroom. Eventually, I just couldn’t hold it and asked to go. I remember approaching the bathroom door (which was outdoors). It was dark. I was scared. And I knew I could not muster the courage to face whoever was in the mirror that was going to take me away. You can probably guess what I did as it’s probably what any scared little boy would have done.

And that, is why I would never make it as a girl.